I took a quick look at Max and his ashen-face told it all. Maybe I had gone too far and maybe I should apologize to him for being so stupid before it all went to hell in a handbag. On the other hand, I’m kinda confident I can get through this and concentrate on keeping that gussied-up convertible K-car POS in one piece all the way to the bottom. When we finally stopped sliding because we ran out of hill after what seemed like 15 minutes but was probably only 20-seconds of dirt hell, I turned to him and said to him in my best Pee Wee Herman voice, “I meant to do that.” Sometimes you just have to go for all the gusto you can because it’s there for the taking even if it means taking chances that nobody in their right mind would ever think about. As long as it turns out okay, anyway.

 

   Apparently the same go-for-it-at-all-costs philosophy applies to the builder of today’s slightly-beyond-far-out Flathead, Aki Sakamoto of Hog Killers Inc. in Hawaiian Gardens, California. Aki is obviously confident beyond belief with his own design aesthetic and has the natural ability and talent to make it come to life in this gooseneck of goosenecks wonderbike. I don’t know if anybody ever said to Aki, “I think you’ve finally gone too far,” but it wouldn’t surprise me if someone did. You might even be thinking that right now and, like Max, you might be right.

 

   One look and even my low level of intelligence tells me the guy’s got a ‘70s thing going on like no tomorrow and that’s outrageously fine by me. Personally, I wouldn’t want to own this bike (or slide it sideways down a Death Valley hillside), but I sure love looking at it and I sure love that it exists. Somehow I doubt that Aki has ever had to channel Pee Wee Herman when it came time to explain why he built it as it’s obvious he meant to do exactly what he did do and to hell with anybody that doesn’t appreciate it. Aki’s been on a roll at his shop with an ever expanding resume of custom machines that owe their existence to the nuttiness of the ‘70s and Aki’s love for over-the-top custom bikes of the dastardly disco era.

 

   Somewhere in Aki’s bike called Jawbone there’s a 1940 Harley-Davidson ULH lurking (one of only 672 made in 1940). No, not much of it, but enough to make the California DMV happy. The 80-inch Special Sport high-compression (5.7:1 ratio!) Flathead engine was beautifully rebuilt to be a real runner and then dipped into a bling bucket until it gleamed like no other Flathead has ever, ever done. It’s almost too pretty to run, but I know that’s not how Aki rolls. Every mechanical aspect was not the slightest bit overlooked on its way to becoming a crown jewel of the Flathead world and an instant eye grabber in that Goosenecks Gone Wild frame.

 

   Yeah, the Aki-built frame is almost too daring to even look at. I mean, it can’t possibly work can it? But, it does work extremely well for its intended purpose and that’s to make Aki happy with his vision and to provide a show bike of show bikes that’s sure to shock and knock your socks off. I’m still trying to find mine after seeing it for the first time. It might even be too wild for the swingin’ seventies, but somehow I doubt it. Same goes for the long, long springer that knows no bounds and wouldn’t give a crap if it did. It’s there, it’s right for the bike, and it looks completely comfortable and right doing it. But “How does it handle?” you might be thinking to which I’d answer, “Whaddaya think?”

And, whatever you’re thinking, you’d probably be right, but who cares? This baby’s a cool mutha of the ‘70s and you gotta respect that for what it is.

   No matter how outrageous the mechanical aspect of the build is of a ‘70s-style chopper, the paint is the final statement. Ask any motorcyclist who was semi-coherent during the turbulent, yet fun times of the seventies and they’ll tell you the same thing, the wilder the better. To channel that period as he sees it in his too-young-to-be-alive-in-the-‘70s head, Aki turned to artist Tanner Goldbeck of Tanner Goldbeck Art in Los Angeles for the multi-pigmented layer of icing on the cake. There’s a story going on there, but I’m not going to bother to try and interpret its meaning to you. Think what you think you think and go with it like there‘s no tomorrow just like back in the day. If you’re too young to have any direct ‘70s experiences to relate to, then thank Mr. Sakamoto for giving you one on a platter. A 1940 Harley-Davidson ULH platter served 74 years later with a sprinkling of exotic ingredients from the 1970s and the knowledge and techniques of the early 21^st century. It’s one giant history lesson on two wheels.

 

  By the way, if you ever bought a used 1992 red Chrysler LeBaron convertible that had its underside dented to living hell, I’m sorry. Sorry for you, that is, but not for the unforgettable times Max and I had beating the shit out of it. Max still proudly refers to the time I slid that thing sideways for all its worth. Old memories are the best because the pain goes away, but the joy reamins. Same goes for the ‘70s.

 

   For more info on Hog Killers Inc, click on http://www.hogkillers.com/ or check out Aki’s Facebook page.